On His Time, Not Yours.

I taught myself at a very young age to put on a face if things weren't going right in my life. I grew up with the idea that you could do/feel whatever you wanted in your home, but never show any sign that things were wrong in public. 

Lately, life has been tough. I guess that's how it should be. We seem to all go through cycles of life being the greatest thing ever and then out of nowhere our worlds come crashing down and nothing seems to be going right. 

I can tell you right now...that life has not been even remotely close to perfect for me lately. But I'm guessing it hasn't been for you either. 

I'll be honest and admit, I am not adjusting well to having all of my high school friends home from their missions. It's weird and I liked my life while they were gone. I suddenly feel like I have a double life but the Rachel they all knew well and loved no longer exists. I've always said you make friendships because of shared experiences. Well....I can't really say we share any experiences as of now. I still love and adore everyone but I've changed so much that it feels strange to be around everyone again.

Dating...is a bloody nightmare. Now I know I can't talk cause other people are having the same problem too but I've reach a point where I really just feel like quitting and just pushing it to the back of my priority list or even off it indefinitely. Dealing with the past, it is difficult to try to be the bigger person because pride can get in the way a lot of times. There's just so much pressure coming from all places to get married and I have no potentials right now. 

School is tough. Trying to figure out the future is really really scary. I don't know what path to take and one might take me to a foreign country for about 5+ years. 

I think overall for the past few weeks I've been overwhelmed with trying to find true happiness. Ultimately I've learned that life is never perfect. Never has and never will be. The most reassuring feeling I received from this past conference weekend was from Elder L. Whitney Clayton. Though I cannot remember details from his talk, he spoke on choosing to believe in Christ. That stuck in my head all weekend long. Everyday, we make choices. I think it is not just a one time effort, but a monthly, weekly, daily, hourly effort we should make to believe in Christ. 

Life can get really really hard. We all are put through trials that sometimes seem impossible to overcome. But seeing as how far we've come, put your faith in Christ that He can guide you through the rest of your life too. I know I am going to make that choice and try my best to remind myself to make it each and every day. Just as Elder Clayton said, "We will not accidentally come to believe in the Savior and His Gospel any more than we will accidentally pray or pay tithing." Above all, this was my favorite reminder from his talk, "In those moments when the light of your faith has dimmed, let your hope for the Savior’s love and grace, found in His gospel and His Church, overcome your doubt."

Doubt your doubts before you doubt your faith.
Everything happens for a reason, and happens when it should. We can get through the tough times together, no matter how long and miserable they may seem at first.