The Best $10 I Ever Spent

Exactly a year ago from today, I was rejected from the BYU film program. Yesterday, the same thing happened again. The only difference was, was the fact that I was and am actually really okay with this result this second time around. I swear I'm not just trying to cope or anything like that, but I'm finally coming to terms with who I am and what I should do with my life. I was fighting with what God knew was right for me and what I thought was right for me.

So this is a story about the best ten dollars I ever spent, and ironically enough, what I used to think was the best money ever spent were those silly mens calendars we sold in high school. Time really has changed.

To start this story, and in fear of repeating myself, here's the link of my first experience with applying to the film program. So when this past semester just began, I finally decided to reapply because I felt that it was important that I did despite the result. I didn't know why, but I just did it. I'll be perfectly honest now, after my interview with the faculty I walked away and my first thought was, "Geez, I shouldn't have reapplied!!" I felt really weird about the whole thing. The entire month and a half of waiting felt so apathetic to me. I had a gut feeling I wasn't going to get in, but for some odd reason it didn't phase me. Fast-forward to two days before the result of the application and I sit and begin to get a lot of anxiety about the idea of being in the program. The possibility of never having time for friends again, or no job offers at graduation time/ever and never fitting in with all those kids in the program.

So yesterday, I finally got that email. Stared at in my inbox and texted Sydney to see if she'd be willing to open it with me. Of course being the wonderful person she is, she agreed and a couple hours later there we were staring at the words "we regret to inform you" once again. No tears were shed this time. In fact, I felt kind of relieved. I sat back, and realized I'm not a very good story teller, I never have a lot of fun on film sets that I've been on thus far and I don't like the wide majority of the people in the film program. (No offense to my friends that are) And that's when it really hit me, HARD. I got the feeling to reapply, not because I was going to get it. But because I needed to learn a lesson about hard work, love, support, rejection, and ultimately what kind of person I should be.

It took me twenty and a half years. But I finally understood on a personal level how much my Heavenly Father loves me. I've always understood that He loves everyone with this unconditional love but I never really tried to learn it for myself. The thing about something so grand as an unconditional love is that it's not only God, but your friends and family. I have never felt more loved in my life. Each missionary letter I get includes something about my major choice, every phone call the past few days have been to see if my life turned out, and overall I've learned that it's not WHAT you choose, but that whatever you do decide to do, it's whether or not it makes you HAPPY.

So those $10 I spent to find out I'll never be a media arts student? TOTALLY WORTH IT. I kid you not. I wouldn't change that for the world. Please don't be sad for me! I don't want you to. I've always been afraid of change my entire life, and I now choose to always embrace it for what it is. To adjust to whatever comes my way and not complain about it. Rejection is not a hard thing, but a beautiful thing. I know, I sound crazy. But rejection has helped me grow. It's a constant reminder that sometimes, your best just isn't enough. AND THAT'S OKAY.

So my current status on a major? WELL, I finally have one. (: I'm happy to say that I have chosen International Relations as my major and I'm actually really excited to start it. I have the most perfect schedule for coming fall semester and now I have a plethora of study abroads and internships I can choose from opposed to the previous. Best of all, I also now have the option of being a media arts minor because the faculty decided I was good for that. So I have that decision to make now...ha. In case you're wondering, it's like a 45 credit minor. IT'S CRAZY!!!

Life is good. Unpredictable, but good. And that's how it should always be. The only thing that could make it better would be marrying Benedict Cumberbatch. But let's not get crazy here. (;

I accept. I accept so hard.

No Good Dirty Rotten Scoundrel

So I decided to start re-watching Boy Meets World because...why not? I mean it's one of the best shows from the 90's. There's a particular episode that I want to discuss. It's titled "Teacher's Bet" it made me cry like a baby. So you're probably wondering why.... well, it was about how Mr. Feeny bet Cory that he couldn't get the class to learn anything on their lesson of prejudice. Meanwhile, Eric is trying to woo an asian girl (holla at my home girl)

At one point of the episode, Cory (as the social studies teacher) makes a point that there are still racist people around due to his experience with Linda (Eric's asian [almost] girlfriend) who got called something really bad at the mall (if you don't know what that word is, count yourself lucky)

And you want to know why I cried? Because this episode came out in 1993. The year I was born. And it's now 2014 and there's STILL racist people. And  yeah, I've dealt with some. I also feel like sometimes people are subconsciously (or closet) racist. I mean think about it, if you're used to seeing a certain "type or kind" of people anything new will shock you. So you tend to hide yourself, judge that person for what their appearances are and they by human nature defend with the end result of hurting that other person.

Guess where this post is going? ....yeah, you guessed it dating once again (y'all better get used to it cause this is a point in my life where it's important). You see, I have this thing where I refuse to date anybody Asian. Why? Simply because I have never found a single one attractive. Sure they might be good people but there's just something weird about it. Plus as an added bonus if I don't marry someone asian that means my future children will be really good looking. Have you ever seen a blasian? I HAVE AND THEY WERE AMAZING. Ha. But the point I'm trying to make is, people are really really shallow these days, possibly more-so than before. So yeah, don't get to know that person in your class, but at the end of the day who's fault is that? YOURS. And no one elses. I'm not saying you have to date anyone foreign-looking so you "don't look racist" but friendship is such an important thing too! Do you know what the most reassuring thing I hear from my friends is? "Sometimes I forget you're asian" because it reminds me that skin color doesn't matter, but the way I act and treat others. So buck up, be open-minded and don't be rude to not just people that have a different skin color but dress differently or think differently or anything that breaks off of what you consider to be "normal".

I guess what I'm trying to say overall is


BE KIND TO EVERYONE.

Because you don't know everyone's stories from their outward appearances nor do they know yours.

Good Ol' Missions

Acapella tour 2012 in Disneyland

Some basketball game with this weird kid

Recently I have gotten a really strange feeling that something major will happen in my life in about a year and a half and I need to prepare for the change of it all. At first, I thought maybe my Heavenly Father was finally telling me it's time I go on a mission. And after a lot of prayer and scripture reading...nope it wasn't it. Well, actually my real answer was if I decide to go on one, it should be for the right reason, and not out of sheer boredom but if I choose not to, it'll be okay too. So obviously my second thought was, "well shoot, I might get married or something weird, or someone in my family might die." Once again, my thoughts were proved to be wrong and as of current....I have a really strong feeling my best friend, Chase (or currently Elder Weight) will be dating/engaged to some person that I seriously don't like. Now if you don't know who Chase is, this kid is basically my brother. He's my other half, he knows everything about me. He knows exactly how to piss me off to the point where I won't talk to him but also how to get me to calm the heck down. In other words, I don't want him to ever leave me, because him being on a mission is already really really hard to deal with. But I also want what is best for him, so I am completely torn by this feeling of said future. I think often times we get strange feelings like this because well, better to be prepared now than later. Who knows, my assumptions might be wrong!

New Years 2013

Upon discovering Miriam was headed to Costa Rica

So back to the main point of this post, over the past year give or take a few months, I've spent a lot of time each day thinking of each of my friends on missions (not just Chase if you think it's like that cause...no haha). Yes, I do in fact cry, a lot. (Might have cried during this post) Well, a lot more than you'd think I would. It's not that I haven't made new friends from Disney, or school, or my ward but if you've never really had a large amount of people leave you basically all at the same time, it's like if your fridge was suddenly empty and you had no food and there was no way you could buy more for two whole years. It's really hard. I've become a lot more emotional because of it all and I actually cry a lot more than I probably should. It's hard to think that the people that knew you best, that were there to comfort you when you were sad, to laugh with you when you were crazy happy are suddenly gone. I thank God every day for the opportunity to email them, and write them letters. I also thank Him for giving me such wonderful people in my life. I often wonder why I was given such amazing people that I so clearly don't deserve. Something I've truly learned the past year is that His plan for each and everyone of us includes meeting certain people. I would probably be a total wreck if I didn't have the friends I do, I mean let's be completely honest. If I wasn't LDS, I'd probably be an alcoholic or make a lot of immoral decisions. There's something really great in knowing that someone loves you no matter what you do, or how you act. But it's also a reminder to try to better, because sometimes you just don't want to forgive yourself even though others already have. I am so grateful for each and every one of my friends, including the non current missionary ones, every single day because I don't know where I'd be if I didn't have them. I've learned to appreciate friendship even more the past year or so because you know it's true friendship because once they get home it'll be like they never left. And I am SO excited for that day to come!!

A small amount of the wonderful people I know on missions!

I can't even begin to explain how much I love these people. Maybe too much. (: Friendship is so real, it's crazy!