The Best $10 I Ever Spent

Exactly a year ago from today, I was rejected from the BYU film program. Yesterday, the same thing happened again. The only difference was, was the fact that I was and am actually really okay with this result this second time around. I swear I'm not just trying to cope or anything like that, but I'm finally coming to terms with who I am and what I should do with my life. I was fighting with what God knew was right for me and what I thought was right for me.

So this is a story about the best ten dollars I ever spent, and ironically enough, what I used to think was the best money ever spent were those silly mens calendars we sold in high school. Time really has changed.

To start this story, and in fear of repeating myself, here's the link of my first experience with applying to the film program. So when this past semester just began, I finally decided to reapply because I felt that it was important that I did despite the result. I didn't know why, but I just did it. I'll be perfectly honest now, after my interview with the faculty I walked away and my first thought was, "Geez, I shouldn't have reapplied!!" I felt really weird about the whole thing. The entire month and a half of waiting felt so apathetic to me. I had a gut feeling I wasn't going to get in, but for some odd reason it didn't phase me. Fast-forward to two days before the result of the application and I sit and begin to get a lot of anxiety about the idea of being in the program. The possibility of never having time for friends again, or no job offers at graduation time/ever and never fitting in with all those kids in the program.

So yesterday, I finally got that email. Stared at in my inbox and texted Sydney to see if she'd be willing to open it with me. Of course being the wonderful person she is, she agreed and a couple hours later there we were staring at the words "we regret to inform you" once again. No tears were shed this time. In fact, I felt kind of relieved. I sat back, and realized I'm not a very good story teller, I never have a lot of fun on film sets that I've been on thus far and I don't like the wide majority of the people in the film program. (No offense to my friends that are) And that's when it really hit me, HARD. I got the feeling to reapply, not because I was going to get it. But because I needed to learn a lesson about hard work, love, support, rejection, and ultimately what kind of person I should be.

It took me twenty and a half years. But I finally understood on a personal level how much my Heavenly Father loves me. I've always understood that He loves everyone with this unconditional love but I never really tried to learn it for myself. The thing about something so grand as an unconditional love is that it's not only God, but your friends and family. I have never felt more loved in my life. Each missionary letter I get includes something about my major choice, every phone call the past few days have been to see if my life turned out, and overall I've learned that it's not WHAT you choose, but that whatever you do decide to do, it's whether or not it makes you HAPPY.

So those $10 I spent to find out I'll never be a media arts student? TOTALLY WORTH IT. I kid you not. I wouldn't change that for the world. Please don't be sad for me! I don't want you to. I've always been afraid of change my entire life, and I now choose to always embrace it for what it is. To adjust to whatever comes my way and not complain about it. Rejection is not a hard thing, but a beautiful thing. I know, I sound crazy. But rejection has helped me grow. It's a constant reminder that sometimes, your best just isn't enough. AND THAT'S OKAY.

So my current status on a major? WELL, I finally have one. (: I'm happy to say that I have chosen International Relations as my major and I'm actually really excited to start it. I have the most perfect schedule for coming fall semester and now I have a plethora of study abroads and internships I can choose from opposed to the previous. Best of all, I also now have the option of being a media arts minor because the faculty decided I was good for that. So I have that decision to make now...ha. In case you're wondering, it's like a 45 credit minor. IT'S CRAZY!!!

Life is good. Unpredictable, but good. And that's how it should always be. The only thing that could make it better would be marrying Benedict Cumberbatch. But let's not get crazy here. (;

I accept. I accept so hard.