I Get Knocked Down, But I Get Up Again

What did you want to be when you were a child? I know exactly what I wanted to be. A paleontologist. No seriously. I made my parents buy me about twenty books so I could learn all the cool things I could about dinosaurs because I found them so fascinating. I know, I know. I'm that super weird kid. I never really wanted to be a doctor, or an astronaut or a ballerina. I just wanted to be a rad paleontologist that found bones n crap in the dirt. It sounded appealing when I was seven for some reason. Soon after around the time I turned ten I got to go to the Kennedy Space Center down in Florida for the first time and I suddenly got really excited when I was in the (fake) Operations room and realized how badly I wanted to do something like that. So I quickly changed my future career goals to become a mechanical engineer. Totally different from paleontology, I know. Again, I'm a weird person so this story shouldn't really be a surprise. So I kept this dream going for a while up until I was a junior in high school and AP Physics became my worst nightmare. I'm still shocked at the fact that I got a B average in that class because I know squat and learned close to nothing. I quickly realized, "mmm...yeah so maybe not mechanical engineering." My senior year I got the opportunity to become the co-video announcement person...(? totally forgot what the official title was) with the great Andy Kendall. And because of all this...I officially decided my freshman year at BYU that I wanted to be a filmmaker and that's where I am now. Attempting to be one. ha hopefully. We shall see...if not my plans are switching to international relations which really doesn't have anything to do with my childhood dream still.

So what really is the purpose of me having you read and trying to understand that whole spiel about how I basically still don't know what I'm doing with my life? WELL....because I've thought about the idea lately on "how glad/excited/angry/disappointed/confused would I be about my current state if I sat down with the younger version of myself and told them what has happened in my life thus far?

I really got down to it and I realized, life honestly isn't how you think it'll turn out. So yeah, I could easily sit and mope around because I'm not where I thought I would be 10 years ago, or I can remind myself that life may not be how I thought it was, but I wouldn't change anything in the world for the lessons I have learned. Rejection is a hard thing to deal with, but if we take a step back and look at the big picture, we can grow from it. The amazing Yon Soo once told me, you sometimes have to re-learn life lessons because you didn't learn them right the first time or there is something new to learn upon telling her more of my boy troubles I so frequently have. She's absolutely right, and I have indeed learned something new every single time.

When I got rejected the first time from the Media Arts program at BYU, I was devastated. In fact, I cried for about 4 hours and called a ton of friends to make sure I was good enough for someone or something. But you know what came from that rejection? I worked at Disney World and my best friend, Sydney, got me through this rejection because she was going through the same thing too. Sometimes God takes you on a different path you didn't expect or think you need but in actuality, it's what you need the most.

I look back and realize that if I was accepted, I would still be this pretentious art student who thinks they're better than everyone else and knows more about movies than anybody's business. When in reality, I knew and still know NOTHING. But I want the chance to learn, the chance to grow. Humility is the first thing I think of when I think of the Savior and that is what I strive to be like every single day.

So if you're going through a rejection phase yourself, please consider the following...get off your high horse, take a step back, and look at the bigger picture. Things might seem awful right now, and that nothing is going right. You suddenly find you have this desperation to feel validated because rejection is not a pretty thing. You want to feel wanted, important, loved, I mean who doesn't? But the point is, that just because things don't work out the way you want them to, or you don't get what you want, doesn't mean you should be hostile against everything you encounter. I know this sounds strange, but force a smile and cry sometimes. I think that's what got me through it at Disney. Crying lets everything go, and heck it kind of feels good when you finish. Don't push this rejection to the back of your head, but face it and deal with it. Because holding grudges never got anybody anywhere. Know you are loved straight from Heaven and down here on earth and keep on keeping on. As my wonderful friend, Aimee suggested, write down 10 things you are grateful for every single day because there is always something to smile about. THINGS WILL GET BETTER. Despite how hard you think everything is, it really will.

So as a note to my younger self: Hey. I'm sorry I'm not studying dinosaurs right now! I still think they're super cool, but you're on to bigger and better things! The world is a really cruel place, but also really great all at the same time so live the greatest most spontaneous life you can, because life is too short to not.