Project Positive

I will admit, fall semester was kind of sucky. I had to deal with a lot of different things that seemed to bring my world down. I had a friend pass away, my dating life was horrendous (still is), 90% of my friends were STILL on missions and my grades weren't too hot since I was still in summer mode from Disney. Overall I just felt very lonely. Although I had great friends surrounding me, loving parents, and a great roommate, things just seemed to not be all too great. I kept focusing on the wrong things to run my life instead of the good. So when this semester began, I took a step back to look back at the bigger picture and realized there were some major changes I need to make.

I think within the past 6 months, the most important thing I've learned is that the past is the past, and there's nothing I or anyone can do about it. But there is something I can change about my future. So the past month, I've been trying to live by that. I've been trying harder to appreciate the small and simple things and find something to be happy about every second that I can. I've never really considered myself a very religious person, but recently, I've decided that I needed to change my focus to Christ and becoming like Him more. Something easier said than done is working on that unconditional love He and Heavenly Father have. I'll be perfectly honest, IT'S REALLY HARD TO DO. As human beings I think we have a natural tendency to hate and judge others because they sin differently. Well, I have [old] news for you, as President Uchtdorf stated in his talk, "The Merciful Obtain Mercy", you need to STOP IT.  We're all kind of having a hard time, which is actually a really big reason as to why I started this blog. Nobody said life is easy, but nobody said that you can't get through it either.

The past month has been SO great. I kid you not. I've never been happier. I'm in a place where I'm content with everything, even if it isn't perfect. [But when is anything ever perfect?] I sat in my living room the other day and officially decided that if I don't end up being a Media Arts student, I'm going to be okay with it. God wants me somewhere else, and I need to accept it and be happy with it. Something else I've kind of had a really hard time with is dating. I can understand that some will not understand that this is seen as a trial, but in my own life it is. It's hard dealing with the fact that hardly anyone ever asks you on dates and that everyone you've ever met simply only wants to be your friend. But I have this feeling that dating shouldn't even be my focus right now and as much as that sucks to hear, I have to live with it and eventually become okay with it. I mean, I'm freaking twenty years old, I have such a long life to live still! And let's be honest, nothing really works out the way you plan or want it to most of the time. And I know for a fact that everything will work out in the end.

I believe every single day you wake up, you decide what kind of day you'll have. And yes, the past thirty one days, every single day I've decided to be happy. I've re-learned that everything happens for a reason and that if you're prompted to do something, don't wait! Act on it as soon as you can, because if you wait too long, it might be too late to get the original result you were meant to have.

So choose to be happy!! I know I have, and it was the best thing I've done. I'll admit, there are still hard moments, little triggers that can get you down or remind you of sad things but just remember the big picture of it all. As they say in Meet the Robinsons, KEEP MOVING FORWARD!! (:

F E M I N I S M

YOU might find it to have maybe a "negative connotation" or think of it as something that "a lot of left-leaning people are" or "crazy girls that think women are better than men." Well, I have surprise for you...guys can be feminist too. So today I've decided to just talk about it. Lay it out on the table.

This is a GREAT TedTalk on feminism. No, I don't expect you to watch the whole thing, I mean it's a cussing 30 minutes. But if you ever have time...TedTalks are just overall great.

So looking back on the past few months... I've come to the conclusion that I might be a feminist. Let's consider the following.

• When I get a job, I believe I have the right to be paid equally to a man starting the same day as me. 
• If you take a step back, there are actually more men in careers like fashion and cooking. So...where exactly did those stereotypes come from that women should be doing those things?
• I get really excited when I see commercials like GE had for the olympics about the little girl who's mother works for GE.
• I ask guys on first dates. My parents hate it. My friends rarely do it. But if you want something, go get it. Right? I mean, yeah it might not work out because let's face it not every one likes super forward girls, but I'm over it. 
• I have short hair. Because 1- I hate hair. and 2- It's my rebellion to the world saying "SUCK IT, WHO SAYS I CAN OR CANNOT HAVE SHORT HAIR"
• I love Star Wars and Batman like nobody's business. I'm going to be honest, nobody knows Batman like I do and that includes men. I know every villain, every sidekick, and every hookup Batman's ever encountered. You might call it an obsession, I call it a passion. And who said it was wrong for a girl to be obsessed with a super hero just because she think's he's awesome. Not because he's extremely handsome but because he's just a cool guy!
• I am not a tomboy. I'm awful at sports, I don't really watch sports or know much about them. BUT I absolutely hate chick flicks and pinterest, and those moments when girls hear something cute and you literally just hear the room go "AWWWW" it's THE WORST. I SWEAR.
• I believe that when it comes to dating EVERYONE gets friend zoned.

So yeah, I listed a lot of my so called "feminist qualities" but I also have I guess just the generic stereotypical "woman qualities". For example, I love shopping, disney, painting my nails, obsessing over British actors....the norm. I also don't mind if a guy pays for dinner on a date, even if it was me that asked. I like getting my door opened for me, having guys do things that I probably and actually can do myself (i.e. taking out the trash, or getting my own cup of water) but it's really nice when some guy just offers to do it! And let's be honest, I make fun of the WNBA....because it just doesn't make sense to me.

But at the end of the day, being called a "feminist" is just another label. (Refer here to my blog post about labels) Why can't I just be a woman, who enjoys and appreciates equality without the label? The world can just calm it's pants down and move on with life. Gender roles are stupid, and everyone should be entitled to do whatever the freaking heck they want. I'm not asking you to be a feminist, heck I don't even want to be called one. Why should my certain beliefs and lifestyle suddenly label me as something that I hardly care for? You don't see me shouting from the rooftop "I'm a femenist, I'm an asian and I'm a woman" LIKE NO. That's not a thing. As Jesus once said, "He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her." (John 8:7) We're all different and it's important to love and appreciate others, regardless of race, age, sexuality, political stance, or gender.

As the song goes.....

I Get Knocked Down, But I Get Up Again

What did you want to be when you were a child? I know exactly what I wanted to be. A paleontologist. No seriously. I made my parents buy me about twenty books so I could learn all the cool things I could about dinosaurs because I found them so fascinating. I know, I know. I'm that super weird kid. I never really wanted to be a doctor, or an astronaut or a ballerina. I just wanted to be a rad paleontologist that found bones n crap in the dirt. It sounded appealing when I was seven for some reason. Soon after around the time I turned ten I got to go to the Kennedy Space Center down in Florida for the first time and I suddenly got really excited when I was in the (fake) Operations room and realized how badly I wanted to do something like that. So I quickly changed my future career goals to become a mechanical engineer. Totally different from paleontology, I know. Again, I'm a weird person so this story shouldn't really be a surprise. So I kept this dream going for a while up until I was a junior in high school and AP Physics became my worst nightmare. I'm still shocked at the fact that I got a B average in that class because I know squat and learned close to nothing. I quickly realized, "mmm...yeah so maybe not mechanical engineering." My senior year I got the opportunity to become the co-video announcement person...(? totally forgot what the official title was) with the great Andy Kendall. And because of all this...I officially decided my freshman year at BYU that I wanted to be a filmmaker and that's where I am now. Attempting to be one. ha hopefully. We shall see...if not my plans are switching to international relations which really doesn't have anything to do with my childhood dream still.

So what really is the purpose of me having you read and trying to understand that whole spiel about how I basically still don't know what I'm doing with my life? WELL....because I've thought about the idea lately on "how glad/excited/angry/disappointed/confused would I be about my current state if I sat down with the younger version of myself and told them what has happened in my life thus far?

I really got down to it and I realized, life honestly isn't how you think it'll turn out. So yeah, I could easily sit and mope around because I'm not where I thought I would be 10 years ago, or I can remind myself that life may not be how I thought it was, but I wouldn't change anything in the world for the lessons I have learned. Rejection is a hard thing to deal with, but if we take a step back and look at the big picture, we can grow from it. The amazing Yon Soo once told me, you sometimes have to re-learn life lessons because you didn't learn them right the first time or there is something new to learn upon telling her more of my boy troubles I so frequently have. She's absolutely right, and I have indeed learned something new every single time.

When I got rejected the first time from the Media Arts program at BYU, I was devastated. In fact, I cried for about 4 hours and called a ton of friends to make sure I was good enough for someone or something. But you know what came from that rejection? I worked at Disney World and my best friend, Sydney, got me through this rejection because she was going through the same thing too. Sometimes God takes you on a different path you didn't expect or think you need but in actuality, it's what you need the most.

I look back and realize that if I was accepted, I would still be this pretentious art student who thinks they're better than everyone else and knows more about movies than anybody's business. When in reality, I knew and still know NOTHING. But I want the chance to learn, the chance to grow. Humility is the first thing I think of when I think of the Savior and that is what I strive to be like every single day.

So if you're going through a rejection phase yourself, please consider the following...get off your high horse, take a step back, and look at the bigger picture. Things might seem awful right now, and that nothing is going right. You suddenly find you have this desperation to feel validated because rejection is not a pretty thing. You want to feel wanted, important, loved, I mean who doesn't? But the point is, that just because things don't work out the way you want them to, or you don't get what you want, doesn't mean you should be hostile against everything you encounter. I know this sounds strange, but force a smile and cry sometimes. I think that's what got me through it at Disney. Crying lets everything go, and heck it kind of feels good when you finish. Don't push this rejection to the back of your head, but face it and deal with it. Because holding grudges never got anybody anywhere. Know you are loved straight from Heaven and down here on earth and keep on keeping on. As my wonderful friend, Aimee suggested, write down 10 things you are grateful for every single day because there is always something to smile about. THINGS WILL GET BETTER. Despite how hard you think everything is, it really will.

So as a note to my younger self: Hey. I'm sorry I'm not studying dinosaurs right now! I still think they're super cool, but you're on to bigger and better things! The world is a really cruel place, but also really great all at the same time so live the greatest most spontaneous life you can, because life is too short to not.

Dwight K. Schrute

So I spent the past couple months re-watching The Office because all of my TV shows were on their winter hiatus.

The biggest thing I learned on the show? Dwight got pretty girls, because he treated them like princesses.

I know what you're thinking, "Dwight is an awful human being and he also lives like it's still 1876."

Okay, fair. Dwight is quite the traditional man, and yeah there's that one episode where Pam, Phyllis, and Kelly basically attack him for treating women poorly and...of course that customer ends up being Jan...(total tangent, sorry)

BUT every time Dwight is dating - or attempting to date someone he finds any means to make sure she feels special in his life.

I can't believe I'm saying this.... the world needs more people like Dwight. At least the "Dating Dwight" as I like to call him. Maybe not the weirdness of Dwight with the farm, and the beets, and weird family traditions. Now keep this in mind, I'm not in any way attracted to Dwight. But I respect the character for who he was.

The way I see it is, when one dates someone, you should do everything possible to make sure that person feels like the greatest person in the world. But that's what also sucks about trying to date people because sometimes one person tries a lot harder than the other. So....we all just need to try a little harder to find that person that matches our efforts.

In fact, we really just ought to treat everyone right. Golden rule, no? And the way I see it is, for every strange, unusual human being, there's someone made for them. (: So don't give up on dating all together just because you can't find your "dating dwight", but also don't rush life! Everything happens for a reason, so enjoy the good single moments while you can because life is shorter than you think!

The Literal Worst

Labels: I hate them. I personally think they're stupid, and pointless and that they give society a reason to judge others and create false stereotypes.

It all started last year when I started to kind of change my music taste and style and really became who I currently am which is apparently labeled as "Hipster". Let's be frank here, I hate the word hipster. Really, it's the worst. How does one even define a hipster when in fact it is "mainstream" to be hipster but being mainstream is so not hipster?? In other words, being hipster is a paradox that I can't wrap my mind around.

My roommate last year, Claire, decided to point it out to me that I was a hipster. Of course I refused to believe, and still do that I am.

Shortly after on a shopping trip at Urban Outfitters, my own mother called me a "hippie" upon asking if I could buy a shirt there.

To my luck I spent my summer at Disney World "hipster-free" and wasn't told once...at least so I remember...I could be wrong.

And a few months ago, my current roommate, Robyn, asked me as we walked into the mall, "Rachel, are you a hipster?" and of course my appropriate response was an outrage of why anyone would consider me that and going off on a rant.

And several weeks after that, a good friend said I was 25% hipster...who even knows what he thinks the other 75% is....ha. Thanks, as always, Ryan.

AND yesterday...what a nightmare. First, at church I was told by another person that I am...87% hipster followed by my roommate saying I'm a full hipster. Later being told by another old roommate, Abby, that I'm a hipster and taking the buzzfeed hipster quiz getting the result "insufferable hipster scum: you are the worst" Or something like this is a common answer I get on any buzzfeed quiz. ALWAYS WITH THE HIPSTERS.

LIKE WHY. I SERIOUSLY DON'T UNDERSTAND. I really don't see it. And then...here comes the ultimate confusion - a group of people over at my apartment attempt to tell me I'm a hipster. I honestly do not see it. Plus I could name you hipsters and point them out. I'm not a hipster. I refuse to believe so unless someone can sit me down, and explain it thoroughly to me that I am such a human being. And clearly that isn't possible so....good luck world because I see everyone as...well...HUMAN BEINGS. That's really all we are, right?

SO STAHP THE LABELS, OKAY? Please stop. They confuse people and don't make sense often times. (: Also, it's the idea that it separates us as people. If we choose not to label people, maybe the world could just be a happier place.

Coming to Terms With Your Single Status

Does anyone even read blogs anymore?

Anyway, I swear there's a generic set load of crap that people have to say to single people. For example...

• There's plenty of fish in the sea
• The next one will be it!
• You deserve much better
• I'll set you up with my friend! (they never do)
• You should date your best friend
• etc etc etc

NO. STOP IT. There's a certain point you hit after being friend-zoned so many times that you're just done. And yes guys, girls can be friend-zoned. So stop your complaining about how the cute girl you desperately wanted to date friend-zoned you and that I can't relate because OH, the stories I could tell you.

This past weekend, I got the chance to really sit down with myself and look back on life and ask why my dating life has been such a failure. I realized it hasn't been. Dating just isn't for me, at least right now. I looked back and realized that every moment that I've been genuinely happy is when I didn't have to bother liking someone and simply took life as it was.

In other words, I have personally chosen not to believe in romantic love right now. Why? Because every moment I can relate to the words "romantic love" it is associated with pain, hurt and tears. So can you really blame me? Now don't start some bullcrap argument with me about how if romantic love doesn't exist then I wouldn't be here and blah blah blah. STOP IT. My life, my choices. You don't see me walking around hating on you for being "in love".

I have a lot to blame on my current environment, I go to a school where dating is apparently the most important thing in your life, not school or building friendships. Not to mention valentines day was just this past weekend, and the majority of my friends are either in relationships or budding relationships. My only options are to date people from church, school or work. Church experiences with guys - SUCKED REAL BAD. School experiences - I don't believe in dating someone you'll probably ever see in one semester plus I don't talk to people in my classes if I don't know them. What's the point if you'll probably never see them again? And work...ha. I work alone.

So yeah, I'm just here kicked to the curb as a twenty-something that has never really dated anyone or kissed anyone. Actually, I'm probably seen as "undesirable #1" (yes that was a harry potter reference) because ....

1.  I'm asian - lots of guys at this freaking school automatically steer clear from me because of my ethnicity. HI, HELLO I'M ACTUALLY AMERICAN AND PROBABLY THE WHITEST PERSON YOU'LL EVER MEET. Also I refuse to date asians...sorry not sorry.
2. My political opinions are the complete opposite of the majority of my school...yay utah. 
3. I'm just really outspoken. LIKE REALLY OUTSPOKEN. 
4. I won't change myself to impress someone. Take me as I am, or I don't care.
5. I'm not the smartest person, but I can get by, I mean I freaking made it into BYU

But you know what? I'm content and really happy with where I am. Chances are, I probably won't ever date anyone at my university due to all of the above, ha. And I'm actually really okay with it.

As the wonderful Rolling Stones once put it, "You can't always get what you want, but you get what you need." And right now, I need to focus on everything in life BUT dating. I'm sure one day, it'll actually feel easy and I can associate it with happy things. But for now I'm going to just hate on it like nobody's business because being single means I can wear whatever the crap I want, look how ever the crap I want and do whatever the crap I want and not have to care about what someone thinks of me. Plus, if someone truly did like/love me for who I am, they would obviously accept my everyday habits.

So here's to post #1 on my blog and the single life! Live it up, because soon enough you won't be able to do all those things single people do.